Day 6: What They Love

Easy peasy. Took me 2 seconds to know what to take a photo of for day 6. Although Jacob and Boden fight like crazy sometimes, they really truly love each other and it is so, so special. Look at these 2 sweet dudes!!!

Day 5: Love to Hate

I struggled with this - couldn't think of my I love to hate. :) But, Eric does tend to leave cabinet doors open, and I got this shot this morning after he started the coffee and left the cabinet open.

Day 4: What They Wear

Ella had to wear her school mascot tee to school on Friday. They were having a Super Bowl party. They could have worn a jersey, but, as we don't give a crap about sports in our house, she doesn't have one. :)

Joy of Love - Day 3: Then and Now

Today's was a little harder for me. I worked until 4:30, got the kids, came home, made supper, yada yada, then I realized it was 10 pm and I hadn't taken a photo.

This series is what happens when the kids are in bed, the house is a mess, we are both tired from lack of sleep the previous night (still not sure why) and I tell my hubby, "Ummm, we gotta take a pic, yo!" I guess it's a testament to how much he loves me. Not all dudes would be down with posing for this shit.

I grabbed this old pic of us. Actually our first photo together. We'd been dating maybe a month. My mom took it. :) I was 20, he was 25. 10, almost 11, years ago. We look like babies. Ahhh the days.

So, here you have it. Day 3.

Hit a snag, perhaps.

So, as I blogged yesterday, we are in the middle of adopting a puppy, more or less. We're approved with our local boxer rescue group, and there are (were) 2 pregnant mama's that had been rescued from a puppy mill. One is being fostered in Omaha, which is 2 hours from us. The other is being fostered only 25 miles from us. Obviously, the closer mama would be perfect for us to choose our puppy from. We'd be able to go and visit several times and take the time to really choose a puppy that fits our little family.

Well, I found out today that the mama being fostered close to us is either no longer pregnant, or never was. :( That's a good thing from the perspective that there are already way too many dogs out there that need homes, but that also means that our chances of getting a puppy are narrower. The mama in Omaha is having 4 or 5 puppies, and there may be more families than that waiting for their adoption. Also, it will be harder for us to go see and pick out our little fur-man.

So, I'm a little worried. I am still hopeful but I made the mistake of getting my hopes up super high, and I just need to chill out and remember that if we don't get one of Katja's puppies, there will be others and we just need to be patient.

Have I mentioned that patience is not something I get into?

Day 2: How They Look

Day 2: How They Look. 

Ahhh the Jake. He and his silly grins just get me. I love this kid!

There is still time for you to sign up for the series if you aren't already. Or, just swing by and check out some of the awesome photos being submitted. It is so cool to see everyone's taken on the daily themes. Check out the Joy of Love page for more info!

Snow Day Part Deux

Homebound again! Monday Ella got out of school at 1:30, we headed home and got out the pj's. Yesterday, no school. Today, no school. Our wind and snow is done but the temps are frigid (-18 or so overnight not including wind chill) so the school district decided to stay closed, which is fine with me. I hate thinking of all the kiddos waiting for school buses and out on the roads in that cold!

So, when the school is closed I don't work either, and we've been home together. Eric was home yesterday as well. We took that opportunity to finish our taxes (Hells yes!!!). Today he's back at work but the kids and I are pretty lazy. Lots of games, Wii, and some cleaning for Ella's birthday party on Saturday.

Also, grocery list making. I've started planning our menu for the whole month and doing one big shopping trip (not including stuff we run out of, fresh fruit, milk, etc). So, I'm working on my menu and list today. I may just get on the elliptical again.

And, I've got it in my head to do 2 half marathons this summer. WHAT?

Stay tuned for Day 2 of Willette's Joy of Love series.

Joy of Love

For anyone interested in joining or just learning more about Willette's Joy of Love photography challenge, click on the image below. :)

Joy of Love - Day 1: What They Do

For day 1, they chose the theme "What They Do." For today I chose to photograph Eric. We have had a chunk of snow the last few days along with some heavy winds (which is why we are all home today - Snow day!!). So, he is out shoveling and plowing our road.

I thought taking his photograph out doing this stuff was pretty much perfect. He loves to get outside, during the winter he does a lot of budgeting at work and he gets so sick of being cooped up in his office. So, even though it is freezing cold outside, he loves getting out there and clearing the snow.

My man, what he do. :)

So, the news.

For most people it isn't big, but for me it is.

We are adding to our family.

Not a skin baby. I'm done with that whole thing.

But, a furbaby. A 4-legged, canine offspring.

I am SO excited.

I have long wanted a dog. I grew up with a bazillion of them. Eric did not and has kind of been anti-dog. Not because he doesn't like dogs, but because he didn't want to deal with the responsibility. And, I get that. And that is why we haven't had one.

But, in the last 4 months or so, he has started wanting a dog, so I jumped all over that.

My mom is active in the rescue community and I know how many dogs out there need homes, that are put into rescue (thankfully) instead of just being put to sleep when they are abandoned or abused. So, we are getting a puppy through our local Boxer rescue group. Yep, we are getting a Boxer. :)

Our boxer rescue (check 'em out here) recently helped when a nasty puppy mill was busted. They took 5 Boxers and are giving them a wonderful new life. 2 of the Boxers (a mother and daughter pair, actually) are pregnant and due to have their puppies in the next 2 weeks or so. Since we already have been through the application process and have had our home visit and have been APPROVED!!!, we are at the top of the list, along with a few others, of people that will get the first chance to pick a puppy. The moms and the father (both mother and daughter were impregnated by the same male) are brindle, so chances are we'll get a brindle, although we could get something else.

I'm just so happy. Happy that we will be adding to our family. happy that we could take part in taking another sweet dog that would have been used for breeding his whole life, and putting him somewhere where he will be loved.

PS. His name will be Guster. :)

Joy of Love

For a long time I've been wanting to expand my photography skills. I'm never going to be anything more than a mom with a camera, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to take beautiful photos of my family and friends.

This time of year is totally frustrating for me in that regard. The days are short and dark. If we do go outside, we are bundled up and I'm wearing thick gloves and not really able to take photos, and if I do, my kids mostly have runny noses and squinted eyes. If I take photos in the house, they include my messy floors and low light.

Recently I got myself a Zeh Bounce. It's a flash bounce. It set me back about $12 and I LOVE it. It has actually done wonders to allow me to still use my flash and get some stability to my shots, but eliminate the nasty things flash does to faces and objects.

Anyway.

I decided to join the Joy of Love thingie Willette has going on. I will be posting my pics here each day. My poor, neglected little blog. I might actually blog once in awhile aside from posting pics. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

OH WAIT. I do have news. Post later.

Remembrance

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I'm one of the thousands, maybe millions, of women that grieve the loss of a baby they didn't get to meet or hold, name or bring home from the hospital, see alive, celebrate the first birthday.

It's something that will stay with me forever.

I don't talk about it to anyone. Not my husband, not my mom, not my friends.

I keep all of the feelings for this loss locked inside or here.

They are mixed up, ugly, jumbled feelings.

I can't say I wish I'd never suffered this loss because if I hadn't, I would not have Jacob and Boden in my life.

I think about it at odd times. I remember what my sister-in-law brought me for supper after I lost that baby, when she came to keep me company because Eric left me alone to attend a meeting. I remember calling my sister first to tell her, because I didn't know how to tell my mom. I remember calling my mother-in-law and asking her to come and get Ella because I had a fever and was too sick to take care of her.

I still have a little t-shirt that i had bought Ella, that said "Big Sister to Bee" with a super cute picture of a bee on it. I took photos of her in the shirt and emailed them to our family. I don't know what to do with that shirt. I can't bring myself to throw it away.

It's hard to grieve a miscarriage. No one met this baby. No one saw this baby. No one loved this baby aside from me. There is little evidence that I was even pregnant. It seems silly to think about it, 4 years later. But I do.

On my medical records it says I had a spontaneous abortion. I wish there was a way to change that. It feels very wrong. As if I had a choice in what happened.

Food

I love food. I'm a person that gets very excited about going out to eat. Trying a new restaurant is right up there with a super fun night out for me. I also love to cook. I love trying new recipes. Thankfully, my family is totally down with guinea pig status and there have only been a handful of recipes in the last 5 years that have gotten a big fat thumbs-down from them. Not including Ella, of course, because half the time she is impossible to please.

New recipes can be found anywhere. I love allrecipes.com. I love Pioneer Woman. I've made several of her recipes several times over. My favorites are the Sherried Tomato Soup, Chocolate Sheet Cake, Beef Tenderloin, and Brisket. Today I'm making the Chicken Spaghetti again. Yum. Makes a huge batch and my family loves it. Not healthy, though. Not even a little bit.

I'm trying her Angel, Sugar Cookies for the first time. Hopefully they turn out well. I decided that at the last minute, so, my butter wasn't softened. Found a trick online to try out - grated the butter into my metal Kitchen Aid bowl. Voila, soft butter! Sweet tric.

It's like I don't even know myself.

I did something pretty crazy a few weekends ago.

Hold onto your seats. Your hair. Your thong.

I ran, and completed, a 5k.

Say WHAAAAAT?

I know. Me too. I still can't believe I did it. If it weren't for the photos, number, and chip (which I'm keeping on my shoe, to remind me) I wouldn't believe it myself.

I ran it with my sister. It was the Miracle 5k - benefiting the Children's Miracle Network. When Jacob & Boden were just tiny tots in the NICU for 6 & 7 weeks, respectively, the CMN helped us a ton. Not only did the help pay for a large amount of the lifesaving, top-of-the-line equipment in the NICU, but they gave us support and meal tickets. The meal tickets were such a help for us - I was there every single day for 7 weeks, and the cost of eating every day would have been insane. The meals were just one less thing to worry about, and it allowed us to focus more on the boys.

I ran in honor of the boys. I had originally designed a logo for a shirt for my sis and I to wear, but time and money

ran out. Then my stepdad and mom surprised us with matching shirts bearing the design I'd made. :) Talk about super fly.

It was an incredible experience. My sis flew by me but it was all good. She's done 3 5k's and is a crazy person, so I was happy for her and when I could see her turning corners in front of me, I knew I was that much closer to the end.

I did have to slow to a fast walk a few times, and I'm ok with that. I surpassed my goal of 13 minute miles (made 12:04 minute miles) and that was a really great bonus.

I'm just so proud. This is something I never, ever thought I would be able to say I'd done. Now I want to do more. There's one at the end of October I want to do for sure, maybe 2 more in October. Not sure yet. But, you can be sure this was not my last!

Me and My sis.

Me.

Life upside down

One thing I've learned in the past 2 days is that 3.5 years of staying at home with my kids has not prepared me for rising at 6:30 a.m., preparing breakfast for Ella, doing my hair and makeup, Ella's outfit and hair, getting the boys up and dressed, and all of us out of the house at 7:30 a.m.

It has left me exhausted and wishing for hours and hours of sleep. But I have stuff to do. So I don't nap when I can. I catch up on laundry and lists. My scrapbooking is nonexistent and it kills me because 3 of my designers have absolutely amazing kits out right now, and I'm so tired that all I want to do tonight is snuggle my hubby and go to bed.

Dang. Work is tough, yo.

On the upside - the job is good. Ella loves riding the bus, and the boys adore their daycare provider, Trisha. Thank you Trisha for coming into our lives. I don't worry when I drop them off in the morning, and that is kind of an incredibly big f'ing deal.

It's a big deal.

Ella's first day of kindergarten is upon us. Eric and the boys and I dropped her off this morning. Lots of photos, a few tears (but only after I left). Just a few. Like, 1.5 tears. I'm so stoic.

She was one excited cookie. Made her waffles for breakfast. She requested "Maneater," and "Despicable Me" on the mp3 player for our drive in.

Class is dismissed early today, at 2:30. I can't wait to pick her up and find out everything about how her day went.

My lady.

Hands Across the Gulf collaboration

Tomorrow, August 15th, an amazing collaboration will go up for sale at After 5 Designs. This collaboration is entitled Hands Across the Gulf and is made up up 100 papers, 200 elements, 2 full alphas, 18 templates, and 4 photo actions from 45 very talented and giving designers across the digital scrapbooking community.

For more than 90 days, oil gushed into the Gulf of Mexico before the leak was finally "capped" in late July. It is estimated that approximately 4.9 million barrels (or 205.8 million gallons) of oil spilled into the waters. It has been one of the biggest environmental disasters in decades. Hundreds of miles of beaches, wetlands, and estuaries along the northern Gulf Coast have been impacted. The spill, though temporarily "capped", continues to cause extensive damage to marine and wildlife habitats as well as the Gulf's fishing and tourism industries. Families are without work and marine and land animals continue to suffer. And there are still many unknowns about the long term effects of the oil and of chemical disbursements used in attempts to curtail the flow and impact upon the regional coastline and waters.

Participating designers include: Aja Abney, Amy Martin, Biograffiti, Boutique Cute Dolls, Createwings Designs, Deena Rutter, Designs by Cindy Schneider, Designs by Crystal Livesay, Dido Designs, Dunia Designs, Emily Merritt Designs, Fiddle Dee Dee Designs, Fizzy Pop Designs, FruitLoOp Sally Designs, Laurie Ann (Heaven's Gate Designs), Holliewood Studios, Holly Designs, Holly Spring Designs, Jazzmin Designs, Jennifer Barrette Designs, Jacque Larsen, Juliana Kneipp Designs, Kay Miller Designs, Kaye Winiecki, Kitty Designs, Kristin Aagard Designs, Lauren Grier, Leora Sanford, Loreta Labarca, Micheline Martin, Nikki Beaudreau, Paislee Press, One Little Bird Designs, Sabrina Dupre, Sahlin Studio, Sarah Cornish of My 4 Hens Photography, Shabby Miss Jenn, Studio Basic Designs, Sugarplum Paperie, Tickled Pink Studios, Tiny Toes Designs, Tracie Stroud, Vera Lim, Vinnie Pearce, and zinnias and swallowtails.

Hands Across the Gulf is our heartsong for this cause. This gorgeous kit representing the varied styles of the scrapping community, is positively overflowing with beautiful papers, unique elements, templates and Photoshop actions. All told, designers have contributed more than 100 papers and 200 elements, 2 full alphas, 18 templates, and 4 PS actions to Hands Across the Gulf.

Available for sale for one month only, 100% of the proceeds from this kit will be donated to the National Wildlife Federation and to the United Way's Gulf Recovery Fund.

I was lucky enough to be able to create a page with this amazing collaboration, and I can tell you that it is beautiful. The designers put their all into creating this kit. Check out After Five Designs tomorrow and purchase this collaboration.

Friday the 13th? Gonna go with a yes.

Took the miracle twinks to the ENT today for hearing tests. Their doc suggested this at their 3-year appointment last month. I took them a few weeks ago myself, not realizing it was a huge no-no for one mom to take 2 children to have hearing tests done. You didn't know that either? Interesting.

So, Eric came along today to help wrangle.

Boden did fine.

Jacob's left ear has severe hearing loss.

This is a shock to me and I'm pretty f'd up about it. His speech delay is more severe than Boden's so I guess it makes sense.

He is being referred for an ABR test soon to find out the extent of the hearing loss.

The audiologist actually mentioned hearing aids.

I'm sick.

Resume Time.

Ugh. I need to write a resume. Yes people, it's that time. It's time for this mama to go back to work.

Do I want to? No.

Do I feel employable? No.

Am I scared shitless? That would be a YES.

But, one salary isn't cutting it anymore with this family of 5. School shopping this year is limited. Have only been able to get one pair of shorts and 2 shirts and sneakers for Ella for school clothes (plus all her supplies). And, so far nothing for the boys. This has to stop.

So. That means I need to get a job.

You know what the problem is? I am not motivated to start a big important career. I just don't have it in me. Eric isn't impressed with that attitude and I think he is going to be disappointed with the job options in our small town.

It's tough stuff, people. Staying home for 3.5 years has made me realize that I don't really care about having a career. And I feel like this time at home has really killed my employment options. So, job hunting is going to be gruesome and stressful.

But hopefully at the end I will find something that I don't hate, something that helps buy groceries. And hopefully I can manage a household and cooking and cleaning and laundry and 3 kids, while working full-time. And NOT become an alcoholic in the meantime.

Despicable Me.

Go see this. It is the cutest dang movie. Ella loved it, Eric loved it, I loved it. Totally awesome.

Took Miss E. to McD's for supper before the flick. That girl loves her some nuggets, yo. And they had Littlest Pet Shop toys in the Happy Meals so, yeah. I wanted to go to Mexico Viejo but it was E's night, so, you know.

Super fun night, all around.